101 Things I Can't do at the CCC
by heycharlie333
Summary: When at the CCC, there is a certain protocol one must respect. You are a Cahill, and need to act as one. Unfortunately, not all of the younger generation have realized that yet. So this list was created, using actual events that have occurred in the past. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Cahill Command Centre.
1. Chapter 1

Me: Knock knock!

You: Who's there?

Me: Own the 39 clues.

You: Own the 39 clues who?

Me: Well, not me, so stop rubbing it in, will you? :(

* * *

1. Do not sing to Saladin. (Me: ALL TOGETHER NOW! SMELLY CAT, SMELLY CAT, WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU?!)  
2. At 2:00 AM, do not run throughout the CCC screaming profanity. (Such manly pajamas Jonah!)  
3. Do not take a picture of the above, and post it on Facebook (But Jonah! Don't you want everyone to see your pajamas?)  
4. Dont call Ian a Barbie (it's not my fault he looks like one!)  
5. Dont attempt to sneak into Sinead's room. (I don't know why this is on here. It hurt me more than you.)  
6. Dont mess with Ned and Ted's experiments (Poor Ian is back in the hospital...)  
7. Do not introduce the Cahills to the mysterious ticking noise. (Ian, Ian, rich snobby Ian, Ian, Ian, rich snobby Ian, Alistair! Ian, Ian, rich snobby Ian, Ian, Ian, rich snobby Ian, Alistair! Dan! Dan! The ninja lord, Dan! Dan! The ninja lord, Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy, Alistair! Ooh! Hammer! Yeah hammer! Yeah hammer! Ooh hammer! Hammer Ian hammer Ian hammer Ian BURRITO BOY! Aaaaamy! Alistair, I'm the epic hammer, yeah the epic hammer. everyone: SINGING OUR SONG! ALL DAY LONG AT THE GAAAAAUNTLET! Dan: I FOUND THE SOURCE OF THE TICKING! IT'S THE MASTER SERUM! Kids: YAAAAAY! Adults: gasp! BOOOOM! Mwahahaha! Isabel Isabel izzy izzy izzy izzy Isabel! Bamamamamamaaaa!)  
8. Dont paint Hamilton's track suit pink. (I'm still coughing up feathers...)  
9. Dont tell Nellie Dan needs dating advice (2 HOURS. 2 WHOLE HOURS.)  
10. Do not handcuff Amy and Ian together. (Ian: I'll sue you! And the municipal police force! And the police chief! And...  
Me: the landscape architect?  
Ian: AND THE LANDSCAPE ARCHITECT!)  
11. Dont prank call Eisenhower. (Me: 'Ello? Monsieur Esenhowerrr? Vould you like to schedule anotherrr spa appointment? Eisenhower: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT... Hehe...)  
12. Dont call Natalie a peasant. (She was crying and didn't even try to kill me. Until 1 hour ago...Me: Oh, hi Ian! You're totally rocking that hospital gown! Ian: I'LL SUE!)  
13. Dont call Ted Frodo. (Me: Hey Frodo.  
Ted: *groans* Everyone keeps calling me that! I dont know who you're talking about! Who is Frodo?!  
Me: *shaking head while everyone else gasps* Ted, that's sad. Even for you.)  
14. Dont order pizza without telling anyone. (Me: Okay, I was just trying to be thoughtful! Hamilton was on kitchen duty, and he can't cook for his life. And I didn't activate the security system! Dan did! *everyone looks at dan*  
Dan: IT WAS DARK, OKAY?!)  
15. Put Hamilton on kitchen duty in the first place. (The vomit stains on the carpet are self explanatory.)  
16. Dont reunite Buffy and Ian. (This sueing rant lasted for over an hour. But guess what! Ian STILL has his pink and white boxers!)  
17. Dont go shopping with Jonah. Or to mc Donald's with Jonah. Or go anywhere outside with Jonah. (Those fan girls are vicious. We're in the hospital so much nowadays, we have our own ward.)  
18. Dont go anywhere near Nellie's iPod. (my original plan was to steal it. I didn't even make it a step.)  
19. Don't put Dan in charge of code names. (Ted=Frodo, Ned=leprechaun, Sinead=Starbucks, Hamilton=hulk, Reagan=tutu, Madison=she-hulk, Jonah=hamlet, Ian=teddy bear, Natalie=dart gun, Amy=jade, Dan=ninja.)  
20. Don't 'strife' with Hamilton. (Hamilton: *cracks knuckles* Me: Ab... Ab... Ab... ABORT! ABORT!)  
21. You should not light a match in Natalie's bathroom. (I'm surprised she hasn't blown another hole in the ozone layer.)  
22. Do not play tricks on Ted. (But he's blind! It's sooooo easy!)  
23. "I invented sexy" is not an appropriate response to Jonah saying he's bringing sexy back. (He was speechless for once.)  
24. If Hamilton happens to overhear this, and says, "Actually you're both wrong. I brought sexy back years ago." it is rude to agree. (I have learned some very colorful shakespeare insults from that encounter.)  
25. If Ian decides to walk in on that very moment, and claims that sexy never left, it is inappropriate to throw the ice cooler at his head. (Hey, at least it missed!)


	2. Chapter 2

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Me no own.

So you no sue.

* * *

26. (MOKINGJAY SPOILER ALERT!) telling Amy that Prim dies will only cause her grief and rage. It is not advised. (I was the one in the hospital! Do you honestly think I would try it again?)  
27. Watching Bambi with the clue hunters is not advised. (Ian was crying in his room for days.)  
28. For the same reasons as above, movies like Tangled, Brave, The Odd life of Timothy Green, Les Miserables, The Help, Harry Potter, and the Hunger Games are not advised. (Everyone was crying. EVERYONE. I don't care what you say, I am proud. It isn't easy to make a Holt cry.)  
29. Exposing Cahills to the world of fan fiction will cause rage, grief, humiliation, and pain on your behalf. DO NOT ATTEMPT. (Oh... Too late!)  
30. If fan fiction causes distress, fan art causes insanity. (Me: My personal favorite is the one where Ian and Hamilton have a magical first kiss after defeating the vespers! *Hamilton immediately throws up while Ian faints*)  
31. Do not sing in the shower. (Can you believe I'm not part Janus?!)  
32. Dont go Christmas caroling with Dan... In July. (The reactions were priceless...)  
33. Dont slide down the hallways in your socks. (So. Worth. The pain.)  
34. Dont have a picnic on the roof. (I really have no explanation for this one. I guess I was bored. And hungry.)  
35. Dont climb through the heating. (Again, it hurt me more than you! ... Okay, so I might have landed on Ian, but still!)  
36. Ned is not after "Me lucky charms." (Give me one good reason why he couldn't very well be a leprechaun!)  
37. Contrary to your belief, Ian does not appreciate being ambushed, stripped to his boxers and thrown outside. (You would think he would learn and throw away those pink dollar sign ones.)  
38. Don't do a rain dance in the middle of lunch. (The flowers looked thirsty...)  
39. Alistair cannot make you a burrito that tastes like candy. (Darn...)  
40. Dont walk around in a gorilla suit. (Hey, god's watching! The least we can do is be entertaining!)  
41. Do not blame everything on the economy. (Shower's not working? Blame the economy. Traffic on your way to work? Blame the economy. Can't find manlier underpants for Ian? Blame the economy.)  
42. Dont put dye in the hot tub. (Ian: This is not funny, Charlie. Me: Are you kidding?! This is hilarious! You look like a smurf!)  
43. Do not glue the furniture to the ceiling. (If I'm bored, you should be scared.)  
44. Dont play football with the Holts. (Our hospital ward is being used more and more.)  
45. Jonah will never make a skittles rap. (Eh. It was worth a shot.)  
46. Two words. Baby. Pictures. (Hamilton had a Mohawk, Jonah had an Afro, and Alistair had huge bubble glasses, a haircut that looked to be done with a lawn mower, and he was sitting butt naked in a flower pot.)  
47. You cannot run through solid walls to get to platform 9 3/4. (Dan was my owl!)  
48. Sword fighting on the couches isn't necessary or smart. (True. But it is fun!)  
49. Don't make up swear words. (Me: I did NOT make them up, you klunk for brains shank!)  
50. Dan is not to be trusted with sugar. (Me: *Standing in the smoldering wreckage that used to be the living room* NOW YOU TELL ME?!)


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own 39 clues, downey ultra soft, or Crayola. Peace.

* * *

51. The Holt twins can get a bit competitive. (Everyone: *standing in the middle of an all out food fight/ paint ball tournament/ obstacle course/ relay race/ Olympic battle* A BIT?!)  
52. Percy Jackson is an excellent book to read, not reenact. (*in the middle of the battle of manhattan*  
Everyone: WHATEVER SEAWEED BRAIN!)  
53. Jonah is petrified of blood. Do not use this to your advantage. (It's amazing where ketchup and amazing acting skills can take you.)  
54. Ted and Ned are not Fred and George. End of story. (B-B-But...)  
55. Pretending to be the Hardy boys will only land you in the hospital... Again. (They made it look so easy...)  
56. Watching glee with the clue hunters isn't very smart. (I know right? Those kid's love lives last as long as tissue paper. Madison would drive her head through the wall every time Rachel and Finn broke up.)  
57. Mythbusters, while being an awesome show, will only give everyone ideas. (and that is a bad thing because...)  
58. Do not dress up as the avengers, and then run through the CCC wrecking havoc. (Dan: we were only trying to catch Ian- Uhhh... I mean Loki! Hamilton: HULK SMASH!)  
59. Selling rights for Barbie to make an Ian doll isn't allowed. (Amian is now in stories, in drawings, in barbies, in our minds and on television. When will the two get together?! Alistair: Did you say... On television? Me: uhhhh... Let's save that one for another time.)  
60. You may not make a reality TV show about the clue hunt. (...hehe...)  
61. Hiding all the boy's clothes isn't an appropriate prank. (DOES NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE HAVE MANLY UNDERWEAR?!)  
62. Neither is putting kool aid in the shower heads. (THEY LOOK LIKE SMURFS! TOTAL DEJAVU!)  
63. Do not, under any circumstances, duct tape Ian to the back of our car. (Okay, NOW I see why mythbusters is a bad idea.)  
64. Don't steal Natalie's makeup. Just... Don't. (I don't think even I would cross that line. She does have some Isabel in her...)  
65. Spontaneously breaking out into dance will only make people embarrassed to be seen with you. (please don't try and change me, love me for who I am...)  
66. Do not meditate in the parking lot. (You told me to calm down! Nothing I do is right!)  
67. Do not spray people with chocolate sauce. (AWESOMESAUCE!)  
68. Do not get the Cahills hooked on Avpm. (BACK TO SPORTS AND PAINTINGS, POISONS AND FRIENDS! BACK TO- Ian: LUCIANS! Hamilton: TOMAS! Jonah: JANUS! Sinead: EKATS!)  
69. When dancing randomly in the middle of the mall, (we have learned to respect it) we highly suggest that you look where you're going. (I completely demolished the gap kids!)  
70. You are not to be trusted with segways. (Why is it always Ian and me in the hospital?!)  
71. You are not allowed to create a line of clothing, makeup, nail polish and cologne for the clue hunt. (the names are amazing! Sinead in Seattle, Hunky Holts, Krazy 4 u Kabras...)  
72. You are not Sherlock Holmes. (Hamilton: OMIGOD! I'm failing! Do you know what this means?! Me: elementary school my dear Watson. Elementary school.)  
73. Jumping from the roof of the building nearly gave Amy a heart attack. Tell people that you have a harness on before you jump. (Girls just wanna have fu-un...)  
74. We know shooting Ian with a dart was an accident, but be careful next time. (Me: I thought it was just a pen... Sinead: That's a knockout pen that lasts for twelve hours! Me: Well I'm having a bad day, ok?!)  
75. Dressing up as James Bond just to mock Ian's British accent embarrassed him greatly. (Your point is?...)

* * *

**Look at you guys, getting two updates in one day! Lucky devils, you. Should I update the last chapter? I'm getting views from Brazil to London, but not a single review yet... Not too sure what that's supposed to mean... :(**

_**Hey, YOU! It's**_

_**- Charlie**_


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is dedicated to 39 clues lover, an anonymous person who absolutely made my day with his/her comment. THANK YOU SO MUCH! **

I don't own 39 clues, okay? Gimme a break...

* * *

76. We could all live without you reenacting Hamlet for us. (And YOU could live without your secret stash of gummy bears that you think no one knows about.)  
77. Don't eat my gummy bears! (...)  
78. Dont bring home a penguin from the zoo. (Can we keep it? Please?)  
79. Hamilton can't stand the smell of green apple car fresheners. do not use this to your advantage. (Only $1.99 at most gas stations!)  
80. If you disobey, and play football with the Holts, DO NOT play dead when they hit you. We thought that Dan was going to kill someone. (Who said I was pretending?! I blacked out!)  
81. Once you get out of the hospital, don't tease Dan for caring for you. (Me: I didn't TEASE him. I hugged him and said thank you! Dan: Same difference.)  
82. Don't use blackmail. (Hey! I did this for the greater good! I got to style the boys hair, pick out the best suits, and then make them ask their crushes on a date! Fiske: I have to admit, this is the one time something good came out of Charlie's scheming.)  
83. Don't attach spy camera's to the boy's ties. (Fiske: ... And there goes the thoughtfulness.)  
84. Nellie cannot make you a skittles cupcake. (Charlie+Dan: AWWWW!)  
85. The song "It's raining men" does not imply that you throw the boys off the roof. (Just be glad I thought to put a safety net.)  
86. Dont lock Jonah out of the house. (He came back stripped to his boxers, traumatized and beaten up. Strangely, it was his first time in a public hospital.)  
87. Don't hide in the ball pit. (BAZINGA! BAZINGA! BAZINGA! BAZINGA!)  
88. Amy's diary is not to be put online. (Oh Ian... I love you... I love you more than words can say... I love your sexy British accent... I love your abs...)  
89. Don't play hide and go seek in the reptilian lab. (Dan: *running into the room, out of breath.* Yeah... There might be a snake loose in the CCC- Me: GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!)  
90. Don't "bedazzle" Jonah's porsche. (You don't appreciate my talents...)  
91. Don't set the gerbils from the cloning lab free. (Run little ones! Run like the wind!)  
92. Don't use the shock pen. (Me: DAN! STOP BEING STUPID! Dan: OW!)  
93. Homemade Wolverine hands are dangerous. (Sinead: I ALMOST LOST AN EYE! Nick Fury: I DID LOSE AN EYE!)  
94. YOU. DON'T. NEED. 200. BOXES. OF. POPTARTS. (You should have seen your face... Priceless.)  
95. Don't ambush people with nerf guns. (We were bonding! Over your pain!)  
96. Don't try out the bow and arrows. (Me: OMIGOD. That's... That's an American bald eagle! Aren't they extinct?! Wednesday: They are now.)  
97. No road trips. Just... Please. No. (Me: But we were going to Canada! Hamilton: WHY?! WHY DO WE LET YOU BE A COUNTRY?!)  
98. Don't sic your beaver friends on Hamilton. (No one insults my hometown! ...Eh?)  
99. Don't order 10,000 pillows. (Me: IT. WAS. LEGEN- Dan: WAIT FOR IT! Jonah: DARY!)  
100. Don't talk back to authority. (Me: Hey, your honor, I object! Judge: on what grounds? Spot: ON THE GROUNDS OF BROOKLYN!)  
101. Don't leave without reviewing! (Tell me your favourites!)

* * *

_THERE. OMIGOD. THAT WAS TIRING. THIS HAS BEEN IN PROGRESS FOR OVER 4 MONTHS. AND. NOW. IT'S. OVER._

_And if you got all the obscure and weird references... You are awesome. 'Nuff said._

_(Flames will be used to burn Ian's designer suits.)_

**_Hey, y'all! It's_**

**-Charlie**


End file.
